relationships

I’m so sorry you’re having to go through this, confused. You know, most of what many people think about virginity just isn’t accurate. And really, in so many ways, most ideas about virginity, and dynamics of virginity are sexist, have done a lot of women real harm through history and are…well…

Clarisse: the very first thing I want to say, and want you to try hard to hear, is that you are not abnormal, nor are you some kind of basket case. You’re simply someone healing from a serious injury. With at least one out of every four women being raped or sexually abused at some point in your…

You know, hormonal birth control often reduces or inhibits sexual desire or arousal for the person using it, too. For some people, pretty substantially. It does so because of what it does to a body hormonally: the only way condoms inhibit arousal or libido is if a guy using them (or opting not to)…

Hey there, Hartley. We DO know – experientially and statistically speaking – that young adults do tend to be less selective when it comes to their attractions and/or partners than older adults. Why is that? That’s where we don’t have such solid answers. By all means, you guys do have a lot more…

You know, there are good reasons why we distinguish fantasy from reality. If your boyfriend not only expects that both of you CAN do everything he sees in pornography, but also that you will both – and not just because one of you does – even WANT to, then he needs a reality check. You don’t need…

Let’s start with the biggest question: is it wrong to have sex with someone you’re not in a capital-R or romantic relationship? You know, all this wrong and right stuff is arbitrary and very personal. I’m sure there are some things for me in my sex and general life that are right as rain for me, but…

Really, all I needed to do was to get to your second paragraph, and then read your last few sentences to know that a) this guy isn’t good news and b) you really don’t want to be in this relationship, which I’d say is a very good thing. Can you imagine your almost-thirty-year-old self making a deal…

Rape is when someone forces, coerces or nags you to do ANY kind of sexual activity you don’t want to engage in, or when someone has sex ON you or TO you, rather than 100% WITH you. A partner forcing his hands into your pants and fingering you when you do not want that is a rape. Whether or not it…

Really, the why here isn’t that important. What’s important is the “is.” In other words, you’re doing things you’re saying you really don’t want to do. WHY you’re doing them, or what might have caused you to have a hard time with making the choices you want to isn’t as important as the fact THAT…

Do you want to have a better sexual experience this time, as well as a relationship of real quality – in which someone loves, likes and cares for you just as you ARE, not based on a persona – with your new boyfriend? If you do, then it’s really important to be honest. When we’re dishonest with…