communication

Have you just come out of the closet, or are you peeking through the keyhole thinking about it? Is life on the outside starting to look inviting, shiny and new? (Yes, even you back there, hiding behind that box of moth balls and Aunt Ethel’s spectator pumps.)

The more common meaning and implication of the term came to change around the 13th century and derived a sexual, sexist and moralistic meaning. With that change, the word now implied that staying a virgin until marriage guaranteed that a woman would uphold the family honor by passing from father to husband as an object that was owned – her virginity, her own body, was a thing of value that would be owned by her father, until such time as ownership of her virginity, body and sexuality would be transferred to her husband.

Many people in long-term, committed relationships, be it marriage or steady partnership – no matter their age – have ideas about sex in partnerships they may not even be aware of. Often we base our ideas of relationships and sexuality on what we see in the media or in movies, on what our parents relationship is like, or on what we imagine, in a perfect world, sex and love to be. Talking about what those ideas are, communicating our feelings honestly, and creating clear limits and honoring them make everyone happier and healthier.

Thinking about partnered sex? Do yourself a favor and look through our checklist to get a good idea about the readiness of you and your partner – it’s more complicated and demanding than many people think, and knowing what you need to get ready can help assure that your sexual experiences with a partner will be as great for both of you as possible.

A lot of false assumptions are often made when people are talking about BDSM. Let’s start with a little glossary to be sure we’re all on the same page.

Some people experience great pain or discomfort with vaginal sex or other kinds of vaginal entry that’s not about hymens, lack of arousal or lubrication, or rough partners, but about a health condition known as vaginismus.